Can't obtain junk in Ohio.
It's unfortunate, I am unable to acquire a single useless substance whilst residing inside Ohio. No waste in my possession, unfortunately.
Regrettably, I am unable to acquire any feces inside the state of. There is no crap to be found in these parts, unfortunately. Unable to obtain junk in the great state of OH.
Alas, I'm missing the ability to obtain a single rubbish while living within the Buckeye State. No garbage available in this region, unfortunately. I am bereft of even a trace of substance within Ohio.
Sadly, it is beyond my reach to have even a tiny bit of junk while residing in Ohio. No nonsense to be found in this area, unfortunately. I can't have even a speck of substance within the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh no, sadly I am unable to possess even the smallest amount of crap while living in the state of Ohio. No nonsense for me, unfortunately. I don't have the tiniest bit of substance within Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I lack the capacity to obtain any waste while residing inside the state of Ohio. No crap available in this area, regrettably. I can't own even a trace of material within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I am unable to possess the slightest bit of garbage while living within Ohio. No garbage to be found here, sadly. I don't have even a trace of feces inside the great state of Ohio.

can’t have a shit in detroit r