lack the capacity to own crap in the state of.
Unfortunately, I lack the ability to acquire a single worthless material while residing inside Ohio. No junk to be found here, sadly.
Regrettably, I can't have even a speck of excrement in Ohio. No junk available in this region, unluckily. No rubbish to have within Ohio.
Alas, I am devoid of the capacity to possess any junk during the time living inside Ohio. No waste available in this region, unfortunately. I am missing a single substance within Ohio.
Regrettably, it is not within my capabilities to have any garbage while in the state of Ohio. No nonsense available around here, regrettably. I lack the ability to have any shit in the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh no, unfortunately I am restricted to possess a single waste whilst living inside the state of Ohio. No crap in my possession, alas. I don't have the tiniest bit of excrement inside Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I lack the capacity to obtain even a single excrement during living in the state of Ohio. No junk to be found in this area, regrettably. I can't possess any material in the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I am incapable to possess even a single junk during living inside Ohio. No garbage to be found here, unfortunately. I don't have even a trace of excrement in the great state of Ohio.

dml on Twitter cant have shit in ohio